Eyes That See

“I Once Was Blind”

Lets Talk About Sex.

“A society in which conjugal infidelity is tolerated must always be, in the long run, a society adverse to women.” –C.S. Lewis

We live in a society in which conjugal infidelity (a married person cheating on their spouse) is not only tolerated, but encouraged and sought after. In this note I will discuss how our society encourages infidelity in marriage, and how our people seek spouses who will cheat on them, albeit unintentionally. Next I will discuss the way that such a society regards women. Finally, I will contrast the aforementioned society with one that encourages faithful marriage and consequently honors women.

Our society encourages infidelity in marriage. In our society, it is “cool” for a guy to be with as many girls as possible. The “coolest” guys are with the most girls. Therefore, if our girls want anything to do with our “coolest” guys, they must forfeit their moral standards and their sexual purity. This means that we have a society in which sexual promiscuity is present, if not rampant, among the “coolest” of our youths. How does this encourage infidelity in marriage? It cultivates an appetite for as much sex as possible with as many people as possible. The people with this cultivated appetite are then expected to go on a sexual “diet” and be faithful with one person, their boyfriend or girlfriend and eventually their husband or wife. I would compare this to preparing to go on a health food diet by eating all the junk food you can get your hands on. Just as such a diet is destined to fail, so a committed relationship and/or marriage in which one or both of the spouses has cultivated an appetite for sexual promiscuity is destined to fail. In both examples, the only question is how long it will take before he or she gives in to his or her appetite.

People in our society seek to find a spouse who will cheat on them. I am a recent college graduate, and I have seen this with my own eyes. They may not realize it at the time, but that is exactly what they were doing. And I believe that college students are not alone in this.
There are a lot of college guys who do not want to be in a relationship, but they want to be physically intimate with girls. If a guy is to be “successful” with girls outside of a relationship, he has to divide girls into two groups: the kind of girl that he has no chance of “success” with, and the kind that he does have a chance of “success” with. And he has to forget about the kind of girl that he has no chance of “success” with.
The problem with that division is that the characteristics of the kind of girl that a guy has a chance of success with, outside of a relationship, are the same characteristics that you would give to another kind of girl: the kind of girl that is likely to cheat on her husband.
Therefore, although it is unintentional, guys are seeking the kind of girl that would be likely to cheat on her husband.

How does such a society – one in which infidelity in marriage is encouraged and unfaithful spouses are sought after – regard women? Such a society, as C.S. Lewis said in the quote with which I began this note, will always be “a society adverse to women.” Women and such a society are adversaries. They are enemies. It would make sense that such a society would have organizations fighting against conjugal infidelity and anything that is similar to it or might lead to it. Do feminists and womens’ rights activists fight for these things?
I do not have a complete grasp on the ideology of feminism, but it seems that feminists, in terms of sex, generally seek equality and to remove the “double standard” in our society; which is that it is generally considered a positive thing for a guy to be sexually active outside of marriage, but a negative thing for a girl to be sexually active outside of marriage.
They want it to be ok for both guys and girls to be sexually “free”, and for being sexually active outside of marriage to be considered a positive thing – for both genders.
It would seem that the end result of that goal, by reasons already established, would be that it is just as acceptable for a woman to cheat on her husband as it is for a man to cheat on his wife. If feminists and womens’ rights activists truly sought to improve the way that women are regarded in our society, they would seek for sexual promiscuity outside of marriage to be seen as negative for both genders. If a man cheats on his wife and/or divorces her does he hold her in very high regard? If a woman cheats on her husband, does anybody hold her in very high regard? I would say no to both, and to the second I would add that even the man with whom she cheats would not regard her very highly; he would inevitably not trust her, based on the logic that “she cheated on him with me, how long before she cheats on me with somebody else?” Also, I would say that the group of females that have previously been labeled “the kind of girl that a guy has a chance of ‘success’ with outside of a relationship” and “most likely to cheat on her husband” could also be considered the lesser of the two groups. I would blame this division for at least part of the fact that women are not as highly regarded as they rightly should be in our society.
Imagine how men would be regarded by women if they divided men into a “best” group and a “worst” group and most women sought those in the “worst” group.
They would not be regarded very highly.
Men are missing out on the treasures that are women with morals, and even worse we are causing girls to plunge from the better group into the worse in order to be sought after.

How can women achieve more prominence in our society? By sexual purity both outside and within marriage.
There is no way for a man to hold a woman, and women in general, in higher regard than to say to a woman, “I am going to marry you and be sexually faithful to only you for the rest of my life,” and then live out that promise.

In order to do this, it is best for both men and women to be faithful to their spouse before they are married, and even before they meet. If you have sex before you get married, then you are being unfaithful to your spouse- even though you are not yet married. Even if you are in a committed relationship or engaged. Either one of you could get struck by lightning, a bus, or cold feet on your wedding day on the way to wherever the two of you are planning to exchange vows. Therefore, until you exchange those vows, that person is not your spouse. This means that having sex before exchanging vows is being unfaithful to your spouse. Even if you end up marrying the person, it could come back to haunt you. You might always have this doubt in your mind: “She had sex outside of her marriage with me, what will stop her from having sex outside of our marriage with somebody else?”

Premarital sex cultivates an appetite for sex outside of marriage, and it has to be easier to be faithful to your spouse once you’re married if you were faithful to the idea of him or her before you even met.
A friend of mine told me that “experience” was a very unattractive feature a girl can have. He said that people are not “naturals” at anything physical with the opposite sex. So, if a girl was ever good at something the first time, then he could never keep from thinking, “where did she learn that? and who did she learn that with?”

I am writing this note with the hope that it will cause change. If you are a virgin, protect your virginity like you would protect solid gold or the virginity of your future spouse. If you are unmarried and not a virgin, then make a committment to change. Make a committment to yourself and your future spouse that you will be faithful to him/her whether you know him/her, think you know him/her, or not. If you think it is ok to cheat on your significant other, change. Honor your significant other and yourself by being faithful to him/her and yourself. The more trustworthy you are, the more your significant other will trust you, and he or she will in turn be more trustworthy. And your relationship will flourish.

Also, I would like to recommend “Her Hand in Marriage” by Douglas Wilson to you. I think that if everybody read this book, it would be a great start towards changing the aforementioned problems with our society. You can buy it used on Amazon.com for a couple dollars + a few dollars shipping and handling; it shouldn’t cost much more than $5 total. If you would like to read it, and you really would read it, I wouldn’t object to buying a copy for a few people. Send me a message if you are interested and I will order it for you.

August 25, 2007 - Posted by | Uncategorized

2 Comments »

  1. [...] (I argued that abstinence until marriage is the way to go here) [...]

    Pingback by The World We Live In. « Eyes That See | November 11, 2007 | Reply

  2. [...] made a statement in a former blog that I disagree with what I see to be a goal of feminism.  That is that feminism seems to seek [...]

    Pingback by “DHFA” « Eyes That See | November 17, 2007 | Reply


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